Long time no type

I guess I should use LJ more... it'll probably help me express the suppressed feelings I feel inside and that I don't ever tell anyone.
I feel kinda depressed today... Although I know I shouldn't be.
I guess I should update everyone on whats been going on in my life.

Life changing decision: I have decided not to pursue my Accounting career when I complete my degree at the end of the year. I have applied to do science at Monash Uni in 2006. I thought.. damn... accounting is all about money and I hate money. It is the root to many evils and greed and crap like that. Although you cannot live without it... but I do no want my life to revolve around it. I do not want it to control me.

I broke up with Hennessy in mid-June. He started getting obsessed with me and calling me Honey Bunny (even in front of my parents), it was so embarrassing! He would call me up everyday after we broke up demanding to know where I was and who I was with and what I was doing. Totally nuts. He would treaten to come over to my house unexpectedly and shit like that. I got so scared... i couldn't eat or sleep properly. i didn't even want to stay at home. There would be times when I would think if Hennessy was kind of gay in his mannerisms... I mean I am cool with gay people and all but not when the guy i am going out with has such tendancies. I finally got the guts to tell Hennessy to F$@# off coz he was pestering me to get back with him and he will wait for me and crap like that... but all we had together was lust... it was not based on anything else. We didn't even like talking about the same things and didn't like doing the same things. It was just one big boring party. I decided to end it, he only wanted me around coz it gave his confidence a boost and he thought he was entitled to give everyone else shit. Thats just wrong.

I thought about being single for a while, the idea was great, I had it all planned! I wanted to be selfish but everytime some guy just makes a move I just go for it... it might sound desperate but i always think that I am lucky to even get someone looking at me. I met Erol in late June for the first time after chatting to him for about a year and a bit on msn. He asked to meet up. The thing is Erol went to TAFE with my ex-bf Steve... to this day he still has no idea whats going on and why Erol won't answer back his phone calls. I kinda feel bad but Steve is not my friend (coz he dumped me to go out with a Japanese chick) Erol is his friend and it is up to him to tell, not me. Life with Erol has been pretty good... we like talking and doing the same things... except for his temper and his wild mood swings. It can be pretty crazy and hurtful. I don't like it when this happens, most of the relationships i've been in have sucked... there is always something that makes it all crap. I feel like crap. I just feel really down coz i don't think I am eating enough. I start getting these images that I am the ugliest person in the world and I always seem to walk with my head down and hardly have the confidence to look up and smile at someone like i used to. I just think I am fat and ugly. I duno where my self-worth became down graded... i think i really need to eat more.
I have lost a lot of weight in the past couple of months, I feel really good coz I have a lot more energy and I ain't so lazy. This is thanks to Erol the gym freak.

Anyway I have to cut this short this will be continued another time my friends...

Over and out